Alive in Death
Title: Alive in Death
Author: Aisu
Rating: G
Pairing: Akame
Genre: AU
Disclaimer: Story = mine.
Summary: Kazuya readies himself to attend an annual event, a moment he lived for, and if one thing went wrong, it would break.
A/N: For kish_bee & tia_junan ♥

The room was still. A deafening silence lingered as Kazuya stood before a mirror adjusting the collar of his white dress shirt. This was a routine for him. Once a year, Kazuya would wake up early and watch the sunrise, watch as the seconds passed until it was time for him to get ready. Once a year, he would find this passive expression of his staring back at him through the mirror as he tightened the black tie around his neck. Kazuya raised a hand and combed it through his hair a few times as he scanned his reflection. Nothing's different, he always thought on this day. He looked the same, wore his hair the same way, wore the same suit. It was like clockwork. He slipped on his suit jacket and lifted his hair out from beneath it. A glance at the window and he saw the sunlight that splashed over the floor of his room. Kazuya reached for the sunglasses that were placed on top of his dresser and suddenly found another hand had covered his.

"Don't wear them, I like seeing your eyes."

Kazuya let his gaze rest upon the other's hand as a small smile danced across his lips. "Okay," he answered in a faint voice. His eyes traveled up the arm until they reached a face. The beautiful man before him was impossibly still, just like the room; he did not appear to even breathe.

The man's expression was neutral, almost void of any emotion. Kazuya's eyes lingered on his full lips, then slowly wandered upward across the tanned skin until he met the dark eyes with a fixed stare. That look was so familiar. Kazuya felt butterflies in his stomach whenever he saw it, felt his breathing slow down as if trying to freeze time, to let the moment last just an instant longer, because maybe if he stopped breathing, the world would stop turning, and he would be lost in a timeless void.

Tempted as he was, Kazuya restrained himself from reaching out and running his hand through the dark silken locks of the man before him. He instead turned away, lost in the sight of his reflection once more. He could still feel the other's weighted stare upon him. He always felt transparent under that piercing gaze; he could hide nothing.

"You look good," the man commented.

Kazuya only smiled again, a slight twist of the corner of his lip. It was as though he were in a trance, unable to break away from this feeling of despair that plagued him. It was always there, stalking him in the shadows. It made him feel helpless, weak, vulnerable.

A soft click sounded throughout the room, and Kazuya's head instantly snapped in direction of the door; his heart throbbed against his chest. "Jin," he quickly breathed, eyes widened in fright. Worry consumed him. Just the thought of this man walking out from his sight horrified him.

Jin's hand remained on the doorknob as he turned. "Time to go, right?" he asked, waiting for confirmation.

He always speaks in such a soft voice now, Kazuya noted. Always kind, and reassuring. Kazuya calmed himself and then nodded. He strode over to where Jin stood and took hold of the knob, pulling the door toward him. Time to go, he repeated in his head.

Kazuya seemed to stroll down the pathway without meaning, as if it were just something to do. He had a ‘the glass-is-always-half-empty' attitude about him, a pessimist in every way. He appeared to drown himself in miserable thoughts. It looked as if he himself was approaching his own death with every forced step – but this was not true. Kazuya loved this day. It was sad, yet sweet; lonely, yet loving. He treasured it every year. It was a fragile keepsake, a moment caught in glass. He held it close to his heart, afraid it would fly away should he let go for even a breath.

No words were exchanged between Kazuya and the man beside him, whose presence Kazuya now seemed only vaguely aware of. The moment called for no words, however. Only they understood that. If too much was said, it would be ruined. It would shatter, as if something tangible, into countless pieces. So Kazuya walked on in the quiet morning, saying nothing, but thinking everything about the man beside him.

The sunlight washed over Jin's figure, highlighted his features, added a shimmer to his eyes. Kazuya wanted to reach out and hold the man's hand, but could not. He knew that if he did, the moment would break. Jin's presence was enough. Kazuya could go on living with just that. He put his hands into his front pockets and looked downward, watching as he placed one foot before the other. He smiled to himself, glad that Jin was with him – always.

These mornings were full of silence and stillness. The wind did not blow. People were nowhere to be found. It was just Kazuya and his Jin.

Kazuya continued looking at the pavement below him until he realized he could go on no further. He stared at the black dress shoes of the man that stood before him, blocking his way. He waited for something to happen. What are you doing, Kazuya silently wondered as Jin stood facing him. He did not dare to look up into those dark eyes once again; his effort was futile.

Jin bent over and tilted his head upward, staring Kazuya in the eyes. He wore a smile, sincere and full of care, but it quickly faded. "You stopped smiling," he sullenly remarked.

Kazuya averted his eyes, looking off to his left where a tall black fence blocked him from his destination. He did smile, didn't he? He had not even realized it. He didn't mean to do it. Why was it that he smiled again? He could not remember. He watched Jin out of the corner of his eye, and when the man approached, Kazuya jerked backwards to avoid the touch. Jin's gaze fell to the ground and he nodded. The two continued their walk, Kazuya a few paces behind the other.

Kazuya kept his head low, though his eyes remained on Jin's figure. They watched him take long, graceful strides ahead of him. He watched the back of his broad shoulders. He watched the hypnotizing figure walk on without looking back. Stupid, Kazuya thought to himself. He ran a few steps until he caught up with the other. He kept his gaze to his left, staring past the black fence. They walked in silence.

We're almost there, Kazuya repeatedly thought. His eyes had wandered down to the pavement again. There was a crack in the sidewalk that his eyes widened at; his body instantly froze. "We're here," he whispered. He looked up; Jin stood at the black gate waiting for him.

"Come on," Jin encouraged.

Kazuya looked thoughtfully at the man, through the dark fence, then walked through the gate with Jin. They followed a narrow pathway; it was a short walk. Kazuya caught himself stealing glances at Jin. The sunlight filtered through the trees; shadows danced upon the floor. This place was calm. Everything was at rest.

Kazuya spotted it in the distance and darted ahead, placing himself in front of the found object. He crouched down, hands over his knees, chin over his hands. Another small smile. He looked back at Jin as the man walked over. Kazuya made sure the other saw his smile; he had to try harder. Jin stopped at Kazuya's side, smiled back, waited for the other to stand again – but Kazuya did not want to. He was being childish. He wanted to prevent the inevitable but could not. He continued sitting and staring, but the longer he stared, the harder he found it to contain himself and hold back his tears. He had not been able to do it last year, or the year before that, or the year before that. Some people try to forget. They try to erase the pain and pretend nothing happened. Kazuya could not. He lived in those memories. What he has failed to discover is that it's okay. It's okay to let the tears fall, it's okay to look back and cry. It would make him stronger, and then one day, he would be able to look back and smile, just as Jin wished for him to do. No tears, no pain, just the fond memories that they shared together. But for now, the tears were okay.

Kazuya stood and turned to gaze at Jin, at those dark eyes. There it was, that look again. A look that said, "I love you."

Don't do that, Kazuya thought. Don't ruin it, he cried to himself. He turned away and stared down at the marble stone.

"It hurts you to come here..." Jin whispered, and Kazuya could feel the sadness in the man's voice. "It'll be okay," he said. "One day you'll be happy again; I know you will," he spoke with assurance. "You were smiling."

Kazuya continued looking down at the gravestone; Jin stood directly behind him. Through the corner of his eyes, Kazuya could see the man's arms reach over his shoulders. Jin held him in an embrace, and Kazuya embraced the warmth; a tear left his eye. The moment was almost over. Kazuya was held in an embrace he could no longer feel.

"Thank you," Jin whispered. "Thank you for not forgetting me. Thank you for letting me live in your memories."